Welp...herpes.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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