She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
