I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
