I can't watch pbs sober anymore
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
