hotel room ftw
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
