I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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