Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
