just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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