Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
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You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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