You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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