Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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