How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
