It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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