Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
