i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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