if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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