Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
