I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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