PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
