I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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