Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
