no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
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He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
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WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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