I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I think I sprained my soul last night
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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