So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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