how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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