Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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