Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
