census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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