so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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