The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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