Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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