I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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