If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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