And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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