For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
