im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
