when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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