OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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