Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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