her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
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dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
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In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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