How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Randomize
