no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
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Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
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I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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