Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
