I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
