guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
