I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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