TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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