Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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