Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
