Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
