The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
