He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
