I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
