He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
