just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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