You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
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he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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