So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.