something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
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Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
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If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?