she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
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Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?