i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??