Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
