Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
