Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
