my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
