If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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