If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I cockslap morals
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
